WHY MEDIATION?
As a neutral, the Mediator facilitates discussion and leaves the decision making power to the Parties. The mediator is not a judge and you will remain in full control of the outcome. A good Mediator ensures that the process and outcome is fair and reasonable and may make suggestions to help move toward settlement;
The outcome of divorce mediation is compromise and therefore a win/win scenario as opposed to a likely winner /loser result;
Mediation provides a forum for face to face discourse and discussion with solution and resolution as the goal, in the presence of a professional who can assist to mitigate and manage the conflict;
Mediation is non adversarial and therefore emotionally less stressful;
Mediation is cost effective, and can cost tens of thousands of dollars less than "Collaborative Law" and litigious divorces;
A good Mediator assists to provides a forum for Disclosure between the parties, otherwise a very costly and time consuming process;
Mediation provdes an opportunity and a forum for immediate definition of all divorce related issues, including full disclosure between the parties. You may cover all or a few issues such as division of community property, child support, alimony, custody and visitation, division and assignment of debt, financial anlysis, assistance with the details and transition plans as the family moves through the process;
Enables parties to reach agreement even before they file for divorce, if Parties so choose;
A mediator helps parties negotiate and explore all their options, without many months of back and forth through two separate attorneys; The mediator may encourage parties to have separate attorneys for certain or all issues, through full representation, consultation, and/or review, to empower the participant, equally;
Helps parents work out the best way to transition the children and establish guideline for future co-parenting.
THE DIVORCE PROCESS WHILE IN MEDIATION:
Mediation and agreement can occur at anytime during or before the divorce process:
1. Petition and Summons (Petitioner) – forms prepared and signed by one party. Private Courts™ offers document assistance at low cost to assist parties during this difficult and confusing time, hence keeping your entire process under one roof. The documents are then filed in court and served on the other party (Respondent); In mediation, this is done in a co-operative fashion, with joint decisions and without any surprises;
2. Within thirty days after service, Respondent may file a response;
3. Parties provide full disclosure of community and separate property assets and debts to each other, under penalty of perjury, including income and expense disclosures;
4. Mediator assists Parties to define all issues for discussion and agreement; at Private Courts™ we do not merely mediate but also offer full service case management with referrals to outside professionals as and when needed, who assist to bring case to settlement;
5. When parties reach agreement, the case continues as an uncontested case, and after the divorce agreement has been settled, reviewed and signed, the Petitioner will be assisted to file for an uncontested judgment to include the divorce settlement agreement. This step occurs at anytime after the initial thirty days after service on Respondent, as long as Parties reach agreement;
6.The court will grant the divorce no sooner than six months and one day after service of the initial divorce petition.
SAVING MONEY
DIVORCE SHOULD NOT COST A FORTUNE: SAVE YOUR MONEY FOR YOUR FAMILY’S FUTURE, by not spending on uneccesary fights that will yield the same result. It is important to create an agenda and a good analysis of where parties stand in relation to each other.
PLAN CAREFULLY AND DO NOT WASTE MONEY ON UNECESSARY LEGAL EXPENSES: In this way the points of contention can be identified and the Parties, through the assistance of the Mediator, can decide how to use outside attorneys, if need be, in a guarded and cost effective way.
END THE MARRIAGE WITH INTEGRITY
How you divorce is entirely within your mutual control. Here are some helpful tips:
1) Try and see beyond your own needs, consider the other Party's point of view, and most importantly consider the interests of the children first and before your own;
2) You will have to be willing to compromise to be a good candidate for mediation, it is not a forum for adversity, but rather for seeking solutions that are fair and satisfactory to both and the children;
3) Understand that divorce law is not simple, and that there are certain principles that will always be used to guide the settlement process; Separate attorneys can make separate cases for your individual point of view and it is always good to be so empowered, but use that empowerment wisely, by bringign it into the process as a yardstick with the understanding that each PArty will have to shift from their positions.
Realize that ultimately you will have to attend a settlement conference and mediation can effectuate, often, the same result sooner than later. With much emotion and goodwill spared, you will divorce with integrity!
Divorce does not have to be the defining trauma in your family's life.
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What we deal with at Private Courts™:
MEDIATION MYTHS
Mediation is always binding: Not so, it is up to you. Either of you can decide that you would not like to proceed. There is no agreement until you and/or your attorney have had an opportunity to review a written draft. Corrections and adjustments are negotiated and the final will only be binding after you have both signed the Agreement before a notary. The Divorce Agreement is then made an order of court, at this point it is clearly binding.
The Mediator makes decisions: Mediators can provide Memorandums and reports to set out the basis of the Parties' understanding. Parties have the choice if they would like the Mediator to make recommendations, which is distinguished from offering solutions for agreement. The divorce mediator may use their legal knowledge to guide you, but will not make decisions. The mediator may offer some creative suggestions, merely as ideas fro both parties to work with.
Mediator will take my side because I know I am right: Mediators are not mediators unless they remain neutral. There is no side. Both perspectives are equally valid. Advocacy may be perceived when a Mediator believes the children are not being fairly treated, or where a position creates a serious imbalance accordng to what the Mediator believed to be reasonable and lawful, based on Mediator's experience. However these type of situations should not be seen in isolation. This should not tip the neutrality Mediators can help to create a balance in power. This should not be construed as taking sides, but rather as helping the PArties avoid extraneous costs that the Mediator may believe to be unproductive. No matter what the Mediator says, a Party should rely solely on their own instinct and should always get outside advice if they cannot reconcile the Mediator.
We should mediate our divorce because it is cheaper: Although mediated divorces are less expensive, this is not a good reason, in itself, to use mediators. Not all cases should be mediated and a good mediator ought to make that assessment at the outset. In fact if your conflict level is not mitigated during the process, you may end up spending more than you need to.
If I mediate I cannot use an attorney: Good mediators will recommend that you have at least one consultation with an attorney and that your agreement be reviewed by an attorney.
CHOOSING A MEDIATOR:
Decide what you would like to accomplish and create questions around your needs. Inquire about the Mediator’s qualifications and experience in the particular law field. What degrees, from where and when and what associations she belongs to? Has the Mediator practiced law? Is the Mediator certified as a family law specialist? Has the Mediator taken divorce mediation certification courses? How does this Mediator maintain his/her non adversarial position if they are used to practicing law in an adversarial way? Mediator should be friendly, accommodating and reassuring. Mediator should be upfront about costs. Most important is how you and your spouse/partner connect with the mediator. Request an upfront draft of the by mediator. Does the Mediator have a direct approach? Do they provide legal information? What is their approach and see if it sounds like a fit for you. Check the confidentiality policy of proposed mediation and fee agreement. Ask about the method of mediation used the mediator. Also ask the Mediator how many cases (estimate) they have mediated. Be clear on what you will be billed for. Many Mediators bill in the same way as attorneys do. Be clear on the exit strategy. Does the mediator caucus? Some do some do not. As you can see I have not told you what the corect answer should be. There is often no correct answer, and these questions will serve to give you a better sense of the mediator. Finally, interview as many mediators, at least on the phone as is necessary before you make your choice.
Call Mediation offices at 415-488-1611 or nathan@privatecourts.com
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